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Follow on TumblrAsk Lena AnythingCyber Harassment/Online DefamationRSS FeedArchiveAbout Lenathe ch!cktionaryI'm Lena Chen, a writer, activist, and media producer who's been called a "skank" (by Bill O'Reilly) and "a small Asian woman" (by The New York Times). My favorite part of my workday is the hate mail.For the unlikely story that is my life, read on.warning/disclaimer Visitors on this website are being outted and targeted for harassment. Please use pseudonyms when leaving comments, "liking" posts, or entering giveaways.burning question? Ask here, no promises.contactAll other inquiries (PR, advertising, interviews, etc.) may be sent tolena@lenachen.com.like what you read?Get updates over email, Twitter, or RSS, and subscribe for exclusive giveaways/news:blog advertising is good for youirregular featuresAsk Lena: Reader Questions AnsweredAnatomy of an OutfitBad Feminist ConfessionsFreelance Friday: Career Advice for Young WritersHate MailGratuitous Photos Of My BulldogNotes & Snapshots from AbroadThe Hello Bar is a simple web toolbar that engages users and communicates a call to action.FacebookLinkedInTwitterSearch PostsRecent WritingRecent Tweets@It still feels like 2013 never really started. That’s probably a sign that I am still fucked up. Five months into the supposedly new year, the year my life is supposed to begin anew or something like that, and I have been living in standstill since I don’t even know when.Berlin is lovely and depending on who you ask, I have been waiting weeks, months, years to be here. Moving countries wasn’t a mistake, yet I can’t shake this persistent feeling that I have arrived too late to a party thrown in my honor. The perfectionistic side of me will not relent. She says I would have been finished writing my book by now if only I’d found the guts to leave Boston a year ago.(And there is that lie I keep telling, about wanting to live in Berlin the utopia, the most interesting place on Earth, when really, I just didn’t want to live in America anymore.)Sometimes, I think it’s my cowardice that is to be blamed for what happened last year. Then I think, is it cowardice to not want to save myself or is it really more akin to a death wish, a kind of suicide? Either way, I let it happen. Fair-weathered friends. Manufactured scandal. Your judgment. My fears. I always just let these things happen.-I worry about little things. I worry about big things too. It’s hard to figure out what is worth remembering and worrying over, so I try not to remember or worry much at all. This makes me feel more at peace, though not necessarily happy.For example, I don’t remember what I did for New Year’s. Or rather, I can’t so I don’t try, because if I can’t remember, then there must be a good reason why. I can’t recall much of last year. There are vague outlines, sketches o
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