English As She Is SpokeSigns found in countries whose native language is not English...(from a bulletin-board posting; compiler unknown)On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: "We take your bags and send them in all directions."In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar."In an Acapulco hotel: "The manager has personally passed all the water served here."In a hotel in Athens: "Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily."Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: "Ladies may have a fit upstairs."At a Budapest Zoo: "Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."In a Bucharest hotel lobby: "The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable."In a Leipzig elevator: "Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up."In a Paris hotel elevator: "Please leave your values at the front desk."In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: "You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday."In a Rhodes tailor shop: "Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation."A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: "It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose."In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: "Take one of our horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages."In a Swiss mountain inn: "Special today -- no ice cream"
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: "If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it."
In a Vienna hotel: "In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter."
Outside a copier in India: "We make photocopies in all languages."
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: "Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself."
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: "Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists."
On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: "Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life."
From the Soviet Weekly: "There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years."
From a Tanzanian newspaper ad: "Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool as you drink it all in."
In a butcher shop in Nahariyya, Israel: "I slaughter myself twice daily."
In a barber shop in Tokyo: "All customers promptly excecuted."
In a clothing shop in Brussels: "Mourning and sportswear."
In a barbershop in Zanzibar: "Gentlemen's throats cut with nice sharp razors."
In the window of a travel agency i